The term “church hurt” is relatively new. A broad definition would be “the emotional, spiritual, or psychological pain caused by negative experiences within a church community, such as mistreatment, abuse, or betrayal by leaders or members.” I have heard stories from many who have experienced church hurt at various levels. The trauma inflicted can cause people to stay away from church or walk away from the Lord altogether. Church hurt can happen to anyone in a church, and it can come from anyone in the church. Even though the term “church hurt” is new, the experience is not new. The good news is that wounds can heal. Scars may last a lifetime, but the wounds can heal.
I have seen healing firsthand. My family and I have experienced church hurt at a deep level. A year and a half ago, there was a small group in our church who did not like our missions and ministry efforts. They used their power and positions, and I was given a choice – be fired with no severance, or resign with severance and health insurance. I had three men in my office demanding my resignation. I was not allowed to pray about it or discuss it with my wife. I had to decide right then. We have five children, two in college and one with Type 1 Diabetes. So, I signed the resignation letter. A condition of my severance was that it would end if my wife or I spoke any negative words about the church or any church member. I had learned about their deceptiveness; I even saw a video where two people were plotting to fire me. All manner of lies were told about us, but I could say nothing, or I would be without a severance or health insurance. We were cut off from our church family and could not speak about what happened.
We did the only thing we knew to do, we went to God’s Word. In John 6, Jesus had some hard teachings, and some people walked away from Him. They didn’t want to follow Him any longer. John 6:67-68 records this interaction between Jesus and the Twelve, “So Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” When we were at a loss, we knew there was nowhere else and no one else we could turn to. We felt like Peter. No one else had the words of life, but Jesus.
Healing is Possible
If you have experienced church hurt, it’s crucial to know that healing is possible! The church is the bride of Christ. But it is made up of people. People hurt people. People abuse others. It has happened since Cain killed Abel, and it will continue to happen until Christ establishes a new Heaven and a new Earth. In the process of healing, it’s important to remember that you were hurt by a person (or group of people). It can be hard to separate that from “the church.” We call it “church hurt”, but we’re really hurt by other people within the church. Paul reminds us that our enemy is not flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). The enemy uses people to harm us, but the people themselves are not the enemy. Our enemy knows the power of the local church. Jesus said, “The gates of hell cannot prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18). Because of that, the enemy does all he can to disrupt the work of the local church and discourage people from being part of the church.
The Scriptures are filled with words of hope and encouragement that can bring healing when you have been hurt by someone else. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” In Matthew 28:20 Jesus promises, “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” We are reminded to come to Jesus for our healing! He does not leave us alone.
Jesus Predicted Trouble
In the healing journey, it is helpful to know that Jesus predicted trouble for us. In Matthew 13:24-30, Jesus tells the parable of the wheat and the weeds. He explained the parable in verses 36-43. He said that the enemy will sow weeds among the wheat. He tells us that we cannot determine if something is wheat or a weed…only God can do that. They will, however, look the same. It is not our job to decide what is wheat and what is a weed. Our job is to be aware that there are weeds among the wheat. Jesus predicted that within the church, there will be those who look like believers, but they are not. Again, it is not our job to distinguish between the two. Only God knows of someone else’s salvation. In Matthew 7:15, Jesus says there will be wolves in sheep’s clothing. Jesus warns that some will look harmless, but are on a mission to destroy. In John 16:33, just before He was arrested, Jesus said to His disciples, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this life. He told us that we would be hurt in this life. It is not at all pleasant when it happens; however, we must remember that Jesus said it would happen. The religious leaders who crucified Jesus thought they were doing what God wanted them to do. The Apostle Paul, before he was converted to Christ, was a persecutor of the church. He too, assumed he was doing right. In the Old Testament, the prophets used by God were all mistreated.
Paul Warned of Trouble
The Bible not only tells us of Jesus’ predictions for trouble, but the Apostle Paul also warned Timothy of difficulties and troubles. Timothy was a pastor, and Paul was writing to encourage him in his ministry. In 2 Timothy 3:1-9, Paul gives Timothy a lengthy list of the behaviors he will encounter in the church. He says, “people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people (2 Timothy 3:1-5). He tells Timothy that in the church, people will appear godly but not demonstrate the power of God in their lives. In chapter 4, he tells Timothy to preach the Word of God even though some people won’t want to hear it. Paul had experienced trouble within the church, and he warns us all that it can happen. Not everyone who appears godly, loves Jesus. Paul warned Timothy that his message would not always be well-received in the church.
Learn to Leave it in God’s Hands
In the process of healing, you must leave it in God’s hands. In Genesis chapter 37, Joseph’s brothers, led by Judah, concoct a plan to sell him into slavery and tell their father he was killed. Chapter 38 tells what later happened to Judah. His two oldest sons died unexpectedly, and his own sin with his daughter-in-law brought shame and humiliation on himself. Chapter 39 picks back up with the story of Joseph. God certainly used Joseph and his brothers’ sin, but Judah paid a high price for his misdeeds. Joseph knew nothing at the time of what happened in Judah’s family. All he knew was his predicament due to the brothers’ sin. In 2 Timothy 4:14, Paul says, “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds.” We don’t know what Alexander did, or what the repayment was, but Paul knew to leave it in the Lord’s hands. In Galatians 6:7, Paul says, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”
We must also remember that we all have sinned. In 1 John 1:8, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” Each of us has sinned. Sometimes we have hurt others. We might be the cause of their church hurt! But, keep in mind the very next verse 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” If you have sinned against someone, confess it to God, be forgiven, and do what you can to make amends. Deal in honesty. One of the hallmarks of abusive church hurt is dishonesty. Church abusers do not want accountability. Wolves bite and devour and do not want to answer questions for their behavior.
Live With Eternity in View
As you journey in healing, keep eternity in view. As followers of Christ, we are called to live in the reality of eternity. We know there is life after death because Jesus promised it! In 2 Timothy 4:8, as Paul is nearing the end of his life, he says, “Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.” He was serving Jesus, knowing there would be an eternal reward. In Matthew 5:11-12 in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Keep eternity in perspective in this life. Keep your focus on Jesus and what He has called you to do. If others have mistreated you, leave that up to the Lord. If you have mistreated someone, ask for forgiveness.
Heal in Community
Perhaps the hardest part of healing from church hurt is that the best place to heal is in community with other believers. It has been said that “hurt people, hurt people.” It’s also true that “healed people, heal people.” Where else to find healed people, than in a local church! It is like balm to a weary soul to be with other followers of Jesus in genuine community. It is a reminder that there are healthy churches to grow and serve in. The Lord brought our family much healing through a new church family at FBC Pell City. It was a 12-month period with such healing! He is continuing to bring healing at Copperfield Church! 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” In Hebrews 10:24-25, we are reminded to meet with the body of believers for encouragement, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
When you gather with other believers in church, have the mindset to encourage someone. You may never know the healing they need. You also don’t know what it can do for you to serve someone else in the midst of your pain. It might be a familiar face or a new friend, but they may need the encouragement you can bring to their lives. Church hurt is real. Church hurt causes wounds. But with the Lord and with His people, those wounds can heal. The scars may remain, but Jesus will never leave you.
Church hurt is real. It is painful. The very people you were living in community with, the very people who were to love you as family are the ones who brought harm to you. But you cannot let the actions a few cause you to walk away from Jesus. He has the words of life! You cannot let the actions of a few cause you to never serve Jesus in his church again. About the church, Jesus said the gates of hell cannot prevail against it. If you’re hurting, look to Jesus, journey on a path to heal!
A Pastor's Thoughts 