Kai, today you’d be 3 years old. You were born straight into the arms of God. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years, although it feels like 10. I won’t ask how you’re doing…you’re in Heaven with the Lord… words can’t describe how good you’re doing! I miss you little guy. Your whole family misses you. I wanted to write and let you know how we’re doing.
On the afternoon of June 20, 2014 I had a choice to make. Your brief life forced me to recognize that God is still a good, loving God in spite of the pain, sorrow, and loss. I had to choose to trust Him. I had to choose to acknowledge that He is always good. This is a broken world and one day God will put it all back together again. Until that time there will be pain, suffering, and hurt for every person.
In the past year God has given us another daughter. A little sister for you. Don’t worry, she doesn’t replace you! We still miss you every single day. You have 2 sisters and 3 brothers here. That’s more kids than most people have. However when people ask how many kids we have, the word “six” gets stuck in our throats and we usually say “five”. Every time we get that question we have to decide, “do I want to tell the whole story? Will it be awkward?” Kai, we think about you every day. We miss you every day. When we’re out somewhere we do a headcount and have to remember to count 5 and not 6. Your brothers and sisters talk about you all the time. Don’t worry, you’re as much part of the Glass family as they are.
People may say (and some have said), “move on, get over it.” We never will and that’s ok. Losing you was like having a leg amputated. We’ll still live, but always with difficulty. And that’s ok. We have learned to live with your death. We have come to expect the seemingly random times that we start to cry. That’s ok. We have seen God give us strength through very dark places. We have seen that He is still good. We know now more than ever that this world is broken and that pain and suffering is everywhere. We know now more than ever that this is not the world as God created it, sin came into the world and shattered everything. It was so bad that God sent His Son Jesus to the earth to die in order that all will be restored one day. We’ll never get over your passing. People who say “get over it and move on” have never lost someone close to them.
I’ve been a follower of Jesus for 20 years. I’ve never looked forward to Heaven more than these past 3 years. I can’t wait to see you as we worship Jesus together for all eternity. Until then I want to be the best husband and dad I can be. Since you went to Heaven, I’ve been more intentional to be a better husband to your mother and better dad to your siblings. I’ve learned to treasure every moment. I’ve learned to slow down and be thankful in the little things. I’ve learned to laugh more…and cry more. I’ve learned how to love others more. Thank you Kai for helping me. Your brothers and sisters help me to be a better person…you do too.
I love you my dear son. I miss you. Happy Birthday.